We were grafted in, to a family with a Father so different from our own sinful selves.  At first, we speak a different language, have very different behavior patterns, and we certainly don’t look like Him. Over time, as we get to know Him and enjoy being a part of His family, our desires, language, behaviors all become like His.

However, one thing is true from the get-go, from before our conception: We were His from history past to history future, we are part of His family.  I believe this to be so with the orphan, too.  God has known.  Every need.  Every desire. The family into which they’ll be grafted.And so adoption is something very close to my heart.  And I know it’s close to the hearts of many who have adopted and who have yet to adopt. Like so many other things within this body of brothers and sisters, we all have different roles.  We (Blane and I) don’t believe the Lord will lead every family to adopt a child (or more).  I believe He is so “into” the details of our lives (because He is caring!) that He provides for orphans in ways that would blow our minds.

Take for example, the intercessors who prays before, during (need, concerns, hiccups, praises, etc.), and after for the adopting family and the orphan.  Or the prophet the Lord uses to speak to a couple about adoption.  Or the singer the Lord uses to nudge a heart toward it.  Or the teacher who teaches about it.  Or the nurse who cares to the sick orphan.  Or the caregivers of the orphan before he goes home. Or the adoption agency who makes it possible for the process to happen.  Or the social worker who serves a family in the process.  Or the generous giver that helps fund the adoption. I know I’m forgetting a vital person in the process.

My point is that we need each other.  We can’t do without even one person in the body of Christ.  I believe that in adoption, the same principle lies.  These families need us who are not currently called to adopt! The orphan needs us.

Right now, Blane and I have not been called to adopt ourselves.  The Lord has shown us that we have a different role in the lives of orphans.  And I’m okay with that–so long as we are staying right where He wants us.  At the gentlest whisper from Him, we’d do it–and I’d love it.

So today, I want to ask you, what is your gift? How can you serve a family going through the adoption process–serve the orphan? There are so many (needs and families and orphans!).

If you’re looking for a family to give generously to, or desire to use what the Lord has gifted you with to serve them in the adoption process, please read the McClure’s adoption journey.  They are just beginning, and I know they’ll be blessed by you.

I’ve put Sara’s button for her Etsy shop, Stiches by Sara up on my sidebar.  Every item purchased through her shop goes directly toward their adoption.  I’m not an affiliate, just a college friend.

Today, you’ll hear from a woman who shares similar heart desires to my own.  I am so excited as she brings to you a gift–what was uniquely designed and given to her by the Lord for the purpose of edifying the body of Christ.  Though we might be uncomfortable with the gifts others have, it’s true isn’t it, that we need one another?  I pray you’ll be blessed as you hear from a woman who desires to please her Lord with every ounce of her being.

And, it’s a blog swap–I’m over at her place today writing about hope.

The banquet room was cleared of tables, and the worship band played a lively song with the beat of the bongos creating the perfect rhythm.  The scene was set for my ever-growing passion to dance and commune with our Lord, but I didn’t do it.  Well, maybe a little bit, but certainly not what you’d expect at a Christian blogging conference from a girl whose blog title is “Dance And Be Glad”.

The honest truth is this:  I’m a dancer, a worshipper, but also a human being who faces fear of rejection by fellow man.  It’s a constant battle, when my heart says, “Go”, and my mind tries to talk myself out of it for this reason or that.  I’m no performer, nor is that my desire.  I’ve never even taken an official dance class in my entire life.  I simply want to praise God with everything that is within me, be drawn near to His heart, and allow Him to move through me as He sees fit…and I suspect that I am not alone in this desire.

I look around at churches during worship, and see the body “lifting holy hands” (1 Tim. 2:8), and it blesses my spirit to see God’s people physically responding to Him in this way.  At the same time, it causes me to wonder…how much more of His spirit does He desire to pour out onto these people?  I remember back almost 10 years ago when I committed my life to Christ for the first time: that newness of life stirring up inside of me was hard to contain!  I was thankful to be part of a church where there was freedom to dance, and I would occasionally rise above my level of comfort and join the celebration: jumping, spinning, and “getting down with Jesus” till it was time for the message to begin.  I suppose something about that experience has always left me hungry for more.

Indeed, some of the most intimate experiences I’ve had with the Lord throughout the years have happened as a result of “our dancing moments” together.  More times than not, these have occurred within the comfort of my own home, but as I have gained confidence responding to Him with my bodily movements, the Lord has often led me to step outside of the comfort zone and allow his spirit to guide my heart and my body in ways that bring a deeper level of glory to Him and release His spirit of freedom among the body.  I have found that there are few things more satisfying than to see fear being cast aside as people “come before Christ with boldness” (Hebrews 4:16), and witnessing the Lord move mightily as His church comes together in unity.

Yes, at times I still fail to respond to His call.  Too often, I take my eyes off of the One who sees me as a child of The King, and instead start viewing myself with critical eyes.  What will people think if I don’t look graceful..skilled..if I’m the only one who’s not in my seat, or standing still?  Am I really called to do this?!  Am I qualified?

I believe that the only way to silence such doubts lies in faithfully testing each of them with the word of God, and allowing His truth, rather than our feelings, to guide our steps.  For example, Psalm 150: 4 is a biblical command to dance.  Although there are surely other biblical ways to worship as well, we cannot simply say that we just aren’t called to honor the lord with our bodies in this way (1 Cor. 6: 19-20)

I also like to think of 2 Samuel 6, where David began leaping and dancing before the Lord with all his might.  The fact that he wore only a linen ephod only further illustrates the point that He was unashamed to present himself as a living sacrifice before His God!!

My prayer is that I will continue to grow into the place of total confidence before the Lord, and that you, too, will begin communing with Him in this way.  Philippians 4 is a great encouragement for the journey.  Starting at home is a wonderful first step..but don’t be surprised if God has bigger plans!  Above all, remember the reason behind the dance…to bring glory to the One True God..who Was, and Is, and Is To Come!

In closing, I’d like to challenge you with an inspiring word which recently came across my twitter stream: “When I think about it…I can’t put my love for God in words…but I can in dance.”  I couldn’t agree more with this statement, and so I ask you, dear sisters,“Will you dance for Him with me?”

Leah loves Jesus, her family, dancing, writing, and a million other things.  She blogs at danceandbeglad.com, where she seeks to encourage others to dance for the Lord and passionately pursue Christ through creative worship of any form.  You can connect with her on facebook or on twitter @danceandbeglad.

From my beloved Webster’s 1828 Dictionary:

Bright
BRIGHT, a. brite. [Heb. to shine.]

1. Shining; lucid; luminous; splendid; as a bright sun or star; a bright metal.

2. Clear; transparent; as liquors.

3. Evident; clear; manifest to the mind,as light is to the eyes.

4. Resplendent with charms; as a bright beauty; the brightest fair.

5. Illuminated with science; sparkling with wit; as the brightest of men.

6. Illustrious; glorious; as the brightest period of a kingdom.

7. In popular language, ingenious; possessing an active mind.

8. Promising good or success; as bright prospects.

9. Sparkling; animated; as bright eyes.

Star
STAR, n.

1. An apparently small luminous body in the heavens, that appears in the night, or when its light is not obscured by clouds or lost in the brighter effulgence of the sun. Stars are fixed or planetary. The fixed stars are known by their perpetual twinkling, and by their being always in the same position in relation to each other. The planets do not twinkle, and they revolve about the sun. The stars are worlds, and their immense numbers exhibit the astonishing extent of creation and of divine power.

Bright Star, Jesus.

Splendid.  Glorious.  Unmistakingly resplendent.

You will not be obscured by the glory of another–

all smaller lights point to You.

Fixed.  Constant.  Unchanging–

You are always shining.  Sparkling.  Dazzling.

I am astonished at the extent of the Father’s delight in You–

and what it means for me.

In You, who shines brighter than any other,

there is magnificent, unmatched, unbridled hope.

O, that the taste I’ve had would only grow and take over every despairing ounce in me.

Be at the forefront of my mind and heart.

My default.

Illumine Yourself in my heart so that I am blinded to everything but Your worth.

And let the Hope that has taken root truly under gird me.

May my delight in You grow,

As I grow in the hope of Your delight in me.

Just today around the blogosphere, I’ve read many posts by bloggers who don’t typically share on the “heart” side of things–but who have opened their hearts to share what is really going on behind the scenes.  It’s as if the Lord sent one last confirmation to “go” where I have been praying about with my own blog.  It’s been just what I’ve needed to finally put my own thoughts into writing.

For those who don’t blog or who “hobby” blog, blogging for income is a lot of work.  So much so, that it could easily be a full-time job.  I began blogging at the encouragement and blessing of my husband–I honestly had no desire to do it.  I had a personal blog that I would write on from time to time, but that was it. He desired for me to contribute to our income if possible–something I have done in *very* small ways in the past, and would like to continue if possible.   We see it modeled in Scripture, so we believe it’s worthy to aspiring to in some form or fashion.

So, I began writing, re-writing, designing, brainstorming, etc. in order to launch my blog in October.

The Rub

I have wrestled with it (the blog) almost daily since I began back in April.  Why?  In order to have a “successful” money-making blog, it requires a lot of time, diligence, and work.  But I already have a full-time job.  I am a wife and a mother to two young children.   I don’t want, nor do I intend, to give to any blog or business more than to my family.  They are my first priority and ministry.   But in order to stay on top of things, other things have to give.  So, the rub.  I know I do not need to explain  this to you, dear reader, because you are more than likely in the same boat as I am.

Not only that, but as much as I love learning about health and nutrition, natural living, decorating, etc. those aren’t what occupy my thoughts the majority of the time.  We do believe they’re important and should be things thought about and evaluated in the life of a believer, so I’ve sought to share our heart behind our thinking.  And admittedly, I love learning about it!

But there’s more I want to share.  I am an introvert.  I think,  all. The. Time.  That’s not meant to be a proud statement–to the contrary, in fact.  I probably think (or analyze) too much.  My point is–I want to share some of my thoughts with you. But where’s the line between foolishly wearing my heart on my sleeve and being transparent in a way that brings glory to God and might possibly serve you?  And quite honestly, there are certain people that I don’t want reading my more intimate thoughts.  So, another rub.

I want to use my gifts for the edification of the body of Christ.  I have been earnestly seeking the Lord regarding this over the past several months and have thought perhaps the blog would be one avenue through which to do it.  It appears that it could be.

The Future of the Blog

I have spent a lot of time laboring over aspects of this blog.  It’s hard work and writing doesn’t come naturally to me.  I want to serve others, but not at the expense of my family.  I also don’t believe I am to have a “ministry” to other women, save younger women who may come into my home or seek me out for the purpose of discipleship/mentoring.  I don’t necessarily look at this blog as a ministry–though I suppose serving in any form is that.  So, I’ve been seeking the Lord on the future of the blog and have been talking with my husband.

I’ll still write, still seek to bring in income.  But this will become much more of a “heart” blog, for lack of a better term.  I still want to write informational posts, because I absolutely love passing on things I have learned about and really appreciate when people do the same for me.  But there are so many things on my heart that I’ve been keeping bottled up because it hasn’t seem appropriate to share–until now.

But I’ll be honest, it’s hard to put my heart out there.  This year, it’s been broken and I don’t want to get hurt again.  Sharing myself with you–with anyone–is a risk.  I don’t know the hearts of many of my readers–I hope that you are reading and seeing me with new eyes, as Laura at 10 Million Miles wrote about earlier this week, but I really don’t have any way of knowing.

What I don’t want, is for false assumptions to be made and then certain judgments about me to ensue.  As women, I believe we do this.  A lot. This is part of my heartache.  So to open myself up and share part of my heart is scary.  I am all about being real and seek to do so in my personal relationships, but on the heels of being blindsided after genuine heart-giving, I’m a little apprehensive.

I also struggle with fear of man.  Maybe you’ve noticed?

And I don’t want to be proud–it seems that blogging is a perfect place for a haughty spirit to spring forth. In my personal blog, my tone was extremely proud, even though my heart was not to promote myself.  In light of that, I have earnestly sought to guard against that here by setting up several safeguards–including having my husband as my editor.

My desire is not to seek your accolades.  My desire is to glorify God.  To serve you.

What I would love is for honest, real discussion.  For someone to challenge me if they have a problem about what I write.  We are part of the body of Christ.  I cannot do without you!  If I am in error, sinning, or acting foolishly, I need your help.  Don’t let me continue on in it, please correct me.

My Ambition

My desire is not to be a popular blogger or even to be someone’s “favorite” blogger.  In fact, I can’t tell you how often I think about fading into obscurity.  I haven’t discarded the idea, but my husband says I shouldn’t just up and leave the blog.

For now, I’ve been sensing the Lord wants to take me, and maybe you (I don’t know) deeper.  I don’t think it’s popular, and I’m not sure how well it fares when desiring for people to advertise on the blog.

What I want is to see my Savior glorified.  Adored.  Magnified.  Far above me.  I don’t want it.  I want Him to have it.

So, will you go with me?  To the depths, to where it’s a bit uncomfortable?

I’ll be praying my way through, and seeking counsel.   I want to walk in wisdom…and humility.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that Ann Voskamp’s Jesse Tree Advent Celebration Book was out of print.  Well, I have great news!  Not only is it back in print, but Ann and her family are graciously offering it to each of our family’s as a gift this Christmas.

What a wonderful gift to give.

We put our Christmas tree and Jesus tree up last night and began our own celebration of Advent using the devotional.  I am so excited to incorporate this into our celebration of the birth of Jesus!

May the adoration of our Savior so present during this season be in our hearts year round!

Two sermons I had the privilege of hearing this week are on my mind and I wanted to commend them to you.

First, we are so blessed to be under the leadership of some of the most humble men we have ever been around.  Our pastors excel at honoring others and walking in humility.  They are a true example to us in this respect.  Our senior pastor spoke yesterday about unity within the body of Christ.  This is a matter that sits so close to my heart, not because I think I am wonderful at pursuing unity, but because I desire it.  I have failed miserably in loving people and in walking in humility.  And I’ve also been deeply hurt by people who have not loved me well or walked in humility with me–I’m sure everyone can relate on both sides of the issue.  So it’s with high regard that I commend this sermon to you–I plan on listening to it again this week.  Unity: Do It Now, by Bill Kittrell

Secondly, I have been so blessed by the ministry of Mike Bickle, at the International House of Prayer (IHOP).  He is a man for whom I have great respect because of his heart for the Lord.  He is humble and he pursues Jesus Christ unashamedly.  I love listening to him teach.  He is extremely practical in his approach to life–and the sermon I want to recommend is very practical.  It was so helpful to me.  How to Develop a Strong Prayer Life.

I hope you’re encouraged as much as I was by these messages.

I don’t want complacency.  I don’t want to be lukewarm.  I want to voraciously read my Bible.  To pray like I can’t breathe. To feel thirst for the Lord and to delight in Him.  I want my desires to be in line with those of the Lord.  All of them, all the time. Sort of like it was when I first knew Christ, only deeper.

I want a heart that is continuously flowing for Jesus–not stagnant or easily caught off guard.  Alert in prayer, sober-minded.  Easily pierced by the Word and sensitive to the gentlest whisper of the Holy Spirit.

This is what I think it means to have a heart that’s alive.

Even when the fig trees bare fruit and then a long drought comes–instead of despairing, really hoping in Him.  Believing that He is who He says He is.  With joyful hope.

Here’s the thing, and I wonder if you can relate.  Something (many things, actually) stands in the way of a heart that is always flowing for Jesus.  For me, my “go to” feeling is despair.  I sin and I despair.  I mess something up and I despair.

I get fixed on me and I despair.

Maybe you struggle with anger, or fear, or unkindness.  You get the picture.  My response is to despair (sin) and then I often sin more, because I’m already on a destructive path.  What a yucky, vicious cycle.

That I’m learning how to break.  I finally have a real answer as to how to deal with it, the despair.

I know the intellectual answers to my problems with sin.  However often times, the “obvious” answers totally miss the heart of what is laid out in Scripture.  The Lord doesn’t  desire sinful habits to be broken and disbelief to be shattered by sheer determination or self discipline (though those are helpful tools which should be employed).  A heart change has to take place.

Enter the Adoration Prayer Book sent by a new, precious friend.  This book has been a tool the Lord has been using to turn my world upside down.  I am learning, for the first time, what adoration is, how to do it, and why to do it.  This is the answer to my problems–adoring the Lord (not the book! It’s a tool).

I am purposely doing it because as I understand who He is and what that means…it changes everything. When I am adoring Him, there is no need for despair.  Only hope.  And joy.  And praise, and awe.  My gaze is shifted from myself to Him.  This is Hope.  He is Hope.

******************************

I read through one verse listed in the book, see an attribute of God and then look it up in Webster’s 1828 dictionary (quite possibly my favorite book behind my Bible!).  I mean, if I want to adore someone, I’ve got to really understand why I’m adoring Him, right?  I decided not to trust what I think words mean.  I want to adore God. So I sit with my dictionary.  And I drink in the words.

Here’s an example:

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble” Psalm 46:1.

Refuge:

1.  Shelter or protection from danger or distress.

2.  That which shelters or protects from danger, distress, calamity; a strong hold which protects by its strength, or a santuary which secures safety by its sacredness; ANY PLACE INACCESSIBLE TO AN ENEMY (ahem, emphasis mine)

3.  An expedient to secure protection or defense.

4.  Expedient, in general.

The words jumped off the page at me.  The Lord IS a shelter/protection from danger or distress.  I cannot by touched by the enemy when I seek His refuge. He IS this for me.  In His grace and mercy.   He chose to be this for me. WHY do I ever fear?  Why am I anxious?  The Word does not say, “If he feels like it, He’ll be a refuge when you need it.”

Why do I despair?  There IS hope in Him.

I want to adore Him.

I’ve been terribly inconsistent with posting good posts/articles from around the web each week–forgive me!  I hope you’ll glean something from these this weekend.

The Amazing Grace of God – Watch until the end.  I promise you’ll at least be a little teary.

Baked Pumpkin Oatmeal – Being on the current pumpkin kick that I am, this will be tested in my kitchen soon, and I’ll revamp it to be a soaked recipe.

Al Mohler’s Thoughts on Yoga Part One and Two – I’ve begun doing p90x the way it’s recommended (instead of picking and choosing what I like ), but before doing any yoga (which I’ve never done before), Blane wanted me to read what Dr. Mohler had to say.  My conclusion: I’m not comfortable with anything that has the appearance or the association with evil (anything that is NOT of the Lord), so I’ll do pilates instead.

Five S.M.A.R.T. Choices to Protect Your Marriage on Facebook – I got off of FB months ago (my personal account) for several reasons, which is another post for another day.  But those of you on it, this is worth reading!

Someone wrote a song in the 90s about “burning the midnight oil,” whose name escapes me at the moment.  Maybe it’s because it is a little past midnight and I’m exhausted.  Note to self: don’t eat chocolate at 4:00 in the afternoon! My mind is reeling though, and I wanted to put my thoughts into writing before they escape me, again.

Lately, a lot of things I’ve been praying for and mulling over are clicking in both my head and heart.  The Lord has been answering months-long, probably years-long prayers of mine in rapid-fire fashion over the past six months.  So much so, that at times, it’s felt as if the wind has been knocked out of me and suddenly I’m gasping for air.

Because the answered prayers haven’t exactly come in ways I wanted them to be answered.

Nonetheless, the Lord has been at work and it’s been beautiful.  Beyond description at times—to the point that I’ve not been able to clearly articulate the magnitude of it all.

I think I may finally be at a point at which I can begin to put into writing what I’m learning.  But you’ll have to bear with me because it may be a bumpy ride.  I’m a work in progress—think of a construction zone that has a sign which says, “Hard hats required, work boots a must.”

What I communicate in writing is not coming from a woman who is sanctified, but is in the process of being sanctified.  So it’s hard in one respect, because I’m putting myself out there in a way I’m not completely comfortable with.  Truthfully, I’m a coward.  I fear man.  I fear being snubbed, talked about, looked down on.

But I want others to see the Jesus I’m learning to see.   He’s too beautiful for me not to lay the messy before you—because he’s taking the mess of me and delighting over me.  Me!

And as He delights over me, He’s enlarging my heart to delight more deeply in Him.  And if it weren’t for the mess, the beauty might seem far less stunning.

And you might go on feeling like you’re the only one.

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We’d recently moved to Tennessee and received a visit from extended family.  During our visit, the Lord spoke clearly to my heart.  Not audibly, but in my heart so clearly that it was undeniably the Lord.  Below is something I wrote just after it happened.

After they left, I put Brant to bed with tears while Blane put Tara down.  Afterward, I went downstairs and got onto IHOP’S site and started the live stream from the prayer room.  I tried to keep from losing it but when Blane came down and asked what I was doing, it all came tumbling out.  You know, the, “I can’t talk because I’m crying too hard,” kind of tears and talk.

I began to tell him that I cannot be around this family member or any of the other women in their church without feeling intimidated.  It is not at all because of any cliquish ways or airs that they put on.  It is because every time I’m around them I feel like they can see right through me.  I see the confidence they have in Christ.  I fear being exposed.  As I spoke with this family member that night about kids and my surface struggles with my Tara, I felt as if she could not relate.  Not because, I don’t think, her kids aren’t sinners or have presented challenges.

The conversation struck something deep in me.  I am missing something.  She, I’m sure, because of what I know about her and have seen in her over the past few years, walks in a manner that has caused her children to have at least a respect for God and at best a fascination of Him and amazement of grace.

I do not.  When talking with her, a scene, as if from a movie was running through my mind of our daily life.  I felt as if my daughter and the way her sin is responded to is no different than that of a near 3-year old in an unbelieving household.  I get irritated, angry…I am selfish.

I sobbed because I want what these women have.  I want what she has.  I have walked for 5 1/2 years in constant struggle.  I believe there are things holding me back from deeper growth and experiencing more of the Holy Spirit.  I do not walk in freedom.  I love the things of the world and my secret, fleshly desires and sins.  They hold me back.  I know they hold me back and deep down, I have known it but it has been so hard to really let go.

They experience Him, regularly.  I don’t have a fascination of God.  I’m not in awe of His beauty or grace toward me.  I don’t experience Him in the same way they do.  I know God does not manifest Himself in exactly the same way to everyone, but I KNOW I am missing what He wants to give me.  I am sure of it from last night.  God used her to show me the deep, urgent importance of it.  She has no clue, either.

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So that’s where it began six months ago.  The beginning of a great undoing.  Slowly, layer by layer, it’s continued.  I crumpled at first,  I didn’t know what to do with it.  I was hungry for more, I wanted real change in my life.  I cried out to the Lord, but still struggled with sin, self-inflicted purgatory, and a lack of belief in Who God is.

Who He is. He is showing me and it’s changing me.  Oh, is it changing me. It’s slow, but it’s real…and I can’t wait to share more, because He is beautiful.

“If the word ‘inspiration’ is to have any meaning, it must mean…that the writer…is writing something that he does not wholly understand.” T.S. Elliot

I want to share this wonderful blog post by Sally Clarkson, titled, “Creating a Life Plan with Intentionality.” Hands down, Mrs. Clarkson is my favorite author on the subject of motherhood, thus far.  I reviewed her book,  The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child’s Heart for Eternity (look under the Gospel-Centered Parenting button to the right).  And last weekend I finished another wonderful book that she’s written, The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ’s Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children (blog post about it soon!).

Mrs. Clarkson captures part of my vision for this blog in her own post:

I have often said to women, the building of your home–your family, legacy, children, depends on how large your vision is. The greater the vision, the bigger the task and foundation laid, and the more prominent the house. We can build a legacy as big as a condo or as far reaching as an estate–it just depends on our vision of what God wants us to do and our dependence on Him to accomplish exceedingly above and beyond what we could ask or think.

Motherhood provides us with an opportunity to build in such a way as to influence generations–literally thousands–by the life we choose to live. But, building such a legacy comes with planning. An architect planning to build must prepare his blueprints. And so it is with women. Designing a blueprint for living will insure that I am better able to know what I am building; what the cost will be; what is needed; and how long it will take to build such a home.

I’m away right now (five minutes from home!) for a few hours, with the purpose of planning and setting goals, so her article was very timely for me.

I hope you’re encouraged and inspired as you read her post!