Among the many roles a mother has, that of a teacher is hugely important, but often overlooked.  But, what will we teach our children?  Ms. Clarkson offers insightful direction as to what the teaching mother ought to teach her children.

Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.”

That, in a nutshell, is why it’s so important to train our children’s minds to think biblically–because their thought processes and beliefs will, in the long run, determine the kind of people they will be.

Everyone has a philosphy of life, whether he or she knows it or not.  We all base our actions on what we believe.  What we think about creation, life, God, our marriage, our jobs, and eternity determines both what we do and what we become.  If our philosophy is not based on truth, then our whole life will be a lie–or worse.

More than that, in Deuteronomy 6:4-9, we are commanded to teach our children the ways of the Lord “when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”  To be sure, this is a command that was primarily given to fathers.  They will be ultimately responsible and should take the initiative when it comes to teaching biblical principles.  However, we are also given the task especially since, generally speaking, we spend more time with the children on a day to day basis.

Our task is to train ourselves and our children to think clearly, truthfully, and biblically about Jesus and the world.  We want to help them develop a Christian world-view based on the truth of Scripture, our personal trust and application of Scripture to our own lives, and our testimony of God’s faithfulness to us.  This task requires us to understand the scope of the biblical knowledge our children need and to develop a plan for helping them acquire it.  In addition, we help them understand biblical principles and guidelines and learn how to apply them in everyday life.

I really appreciate the clarity with which Ms. Clarkson speaks on the importance of Scripture serving as the foundation for all of life and thinking.  This is extremely important for us to understand, not only when teaching our children, but in our own lives as well.

For the rest of the chapter, she lays out the five areas she and her husband wanted to focus on in their own children’s lives:

1.  Scripture: teaching Biblical literacy

2.  Christian law and morality: teaching right and wrong

3.  Theology: teaching the knowledge of God

4.  Wisdom: teaching God’s point of view

5.  Faith: Teaching trust in God’s reality and reliability

Each of these aspects of the faith are principles taught in Scripture.  While not every family will come up with a detailed plan on how to approach teaching Scripture to their children, I believe it’s very important to at least think through our goals.  It helps me to look toward the future.  What is it I want my children to understand, to be like, to demonstrate in their lives as they mature and when they are adults?

This does require time, attention, and prayer!  It has helped me in my days of teaching and training a toddler.  It is crucial that teaching and training begin when they are very small.  I’ve heard many a wise godly person of the faith speak about the first three years of life being some of the most crucial.  We must gently shepherd their hearts always!

The Holy Spirit changes the heart, but we are instruments in His hands and the shepherds of our children’s hearts.

Have you thought through how you can be teaching your children the principles laid out in Scripture?

This week in our study, we’ll touch on the heart of our roles as mothers: to disciple our children.  The verse at the first of the chapter, serving as inspiration for this aspect of our role is from Proverbs 4:7,  “The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; and with all your acquiring, get understanding.”

I don’t just want my kids to be moral.  I don’t just want them to know all of the Biblical rules for behavior.  I don’t just want them to make it through my home with good grades, no drug addiction, and no premarital sex.

I want them to leave my him with a hunger and passion to know God personally and to be used by him to accomplish great things for his kingdom.  I want them to personally hear God’s  voice and have his Spirit’s gentle touch and impression on their hearts as they read the Scriptures and struggle with the issues of their lives.

That’s what God wants for our children as well.  Whatever else we give our children as they grow, he wants us to pass along an eternal vision and purpose as well as a passion for Christ.  If we are wise, we will keep this goal ever before us–to keep us focused on what really matters, on the ultimate purpose of our activity as parents.

It is so easy to get caught up in the practical tasks of life to the point of lacking an eternal perspective.  I am certainly guilty of this and really have to make an effort to stay engaged, to keep a flowing heart for Jesus throughout my days.  Not only that, but it’s easy to focus on external behaviors and have standards for our children that the world holds in high regard.  Ms. Clarkson highlights Jeremiah 9:23-24 with the purpose of reminding us to have a Biblical view of what’s important.

The point is made that while having intellectual, financially responsible, strong leaders, and good-mannered children are certainly goals we can have for our children, they should be peripheral goals.

When Jesus lived on this earth, he spent the majority of his ministry teaching his disciples, whom he would entrust the task of reaching the whole world with the gospel.  As I have studied this life, I have found a plan for my own parenting.  Like him, I have a goal to love and train my children so they will be equipped to reach the world and their families and friends with the message of Christ after I am gone.  This is what they were born to do–to truly love God and glorify him and follow him. Thus my goals for parenting must reflect my purpose.  Several simple aspects of Jesus’ life with his disciples have given me a simple plan for my own home.

In order to accomplish these goals, we must spend time with our children.  I really appreciate the several pages spent discussing what it means to spend time with our children.

We are on the go for God.  We are busy doing many activities and going to this meeting and that seminar.  Yet all of the going in the world will not make us or our children spiritually deep or alive.  It is only by coming to the living  God and developing intimacy with him that we will really draw near in our hearts to Christ.

Well said.  I’m not sure of your background with the local church you are involved in, but I am thankful for the fact that we have ONE meeting a week at ours.  And every other week, small groups gather, allowing time for deep relationships and fellowship among believers.  This is a healthy set-up which respects the fact that the family is the primary means through which  God intends to work.  We are able to protect and preserve our marriage, our relationship with our children, all the while, reaching out to believers and non-believers as a family.  This way, our children are able to learn by  modeling as to what it looks like to live as disciples of Christ.

As I walk honestly before God, with my children watching, they will learn how to have a real relationship with him as well.  As they see me apologize to them and pray in front of them to ask for God’s forgiveness in my own life, my children will learn that God is a God of grace who forgives me and guides me.

Sally moves on to talk about the necessity of intentional instruction in the lives of our children.  She gives a myriad of ideas on how to approach teaching the Bible to our children.  I think perhaps what I appreciated most is that she did not seek to communicate that there is one right way for every family to follow.  The point is that every parent should be teaching the Bible to their children, period.

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

I appreciated Ms. Clarkson’s differentiation between instruction and training:

Training is the practical application of a learned truth to actual life.  Training involves advising our children on the appropriate application of Scripture and giving them opportunities to act out what they are learning.  It also means taking the initiative with our children to correct their immature or sinful behavior and require them to do what is right…it is not enough to know the truth; we must learn to walk in the truth.

I am neck-deep in the training process with my two children.  By God’s grace, at nearly three years old, we are already beginning to see fruit from training that began when Tara was around Brant’s age.  It is true that it demands much of my time, but keeping an eternal perspective helps keep me anchored.  And how sweet it is to be able to enjoy my children instead of being burdened by them!

The last topic of discussion from this chapter dealt with guarding our children’s influences.  The two verses guiding this part of the conversation are from Proverbs 13:20 and 1 Corinthians 15:33.   It has been demonstrated to me that at the youngest of ages, our children are highly influenced by peers, people in authority, and by things seen and heard.  It is extremely important that we, who are their God-given authority, discern and guard our children from influences that will threaten their future growth in Christ. We need to protect them, preserve their purity and give opportunity for them to grow strong in the Truth of the Bible, unscathed by the corruption of the world.

Reality is that one day they will be out in the world, out from under our protection.  So, our goal (my husband and mine) is to be the ones who teach them what is true.  For example, pornography is real.  However, we don’t believe they need to be “exposed” to it (see it) to believe it exists.  However, we believe that to ignore it would be foolish.  So, with discernment, our children will understand that it is real, what it is, and why it is evil.  If and when they are exposed to it, they will be able to respond, Lord willing, in a manner that is truth.  “This is sexual immorality and 1 Corinthians 6:18 says to flee from it.”  Instead of being tempted by it and dabbling in it, and potentially becoming ensnared by it.  The latter happens when truth about the situation is not known.  The enemy, the liar, comes and tempts with lies and if we don’t know the truth, we will believe them and act on them.

As our children gradually move out from under the protective umbrella of our home, I am confident they will have the strength they need, not only to confront and resist the elements of the outside world that could lead their hearts astray, but to reach out in love and to win other hearts for Christ.

Come back tomorrow for chapter 6!

Today we’ll dive into chapter one of Sally Clarkson’s book, The Mission of Motherhood.  If you’ve not yet bought or borrowed the book, we’re moving through it at only two chapters a week, so there’s still time!  You will not be disappointed by this book!

The book is divided into five sections.  The first section, “A Mother’s Calling” includes three chapters exploring this subject.  In chapter one,  we discover the mission of motherhood as Sally offers wisdom the Bible and her own experience as a mom.

Ms. Clarkson begins by describing her days of taking care of her youngest daughter, Joy.  She had asthma and there were many middle of the night sessions spent caring for her, with similar rituals including sitting on a stool under a hot shower holding her daughter.  She would tell stories until the hot water ran out.  She shares the story from one of these evenings after the hard part of waiting for her symptoms to subside:

One such evening, at the end of our little ritual, Joy stood shivering outside of the shower with sopping wet hair and glassy brown eyes that looked like saucers in her sallow little face.  She smiled at me with a thoughtful expression as I wrapped her in a large towel.

“Mommy!  You know what?  When I was growing inside your tummy, I always hoped and hoped that when I came out, I would have a mommy just like you who would take care of me when I was sick and tell me Joy stories!”

Call me weepy, but that story really resonated with me.  I want to be like that. What stood out to me was not that her daughter said something sweet about her, but what caused her to say it.  She didn’t mention the time line, but she does say in her book that “each morning within five minutes of 1:30″, her daughter would wake up and she’d care for her.  Each morning.  Selfless.  Servant.  Joyful.  I’m sure that she had some days in which she was grumpy the next day.  But in the moment, it was obvious that her daughter did not perceive her mother being this way.  This was humbling.

And we’re only in paragraph three of chapter one.

Sally describes what she believes every child needs:  “to be loved, cherished, cared for, and protected by her very own mother…it’s not just a need but an important part of God’s design for shaping human beings according to His will.”

I can confirm wholeheartedly that God’s design for the family is indeed very good.  I have also come to believe that motherhood, while demanding, is one of the most fulfilling and meaningful roles a woman can fill.

This is important.  This is also were controversy might arise if there is not sound Biblical footing to under gird our understanding of motherhood.  Sally shares of women she’s met in her travels and how all of them have hearts for their children, both Christian and non-Christian, at home with their kids or working.  They all long to be with their children.  They find it more fulfilling than any job they’ve had or currently have. She shared her own story of working before having kids and the inner conflict she had at the thought of having to “give up” her freedom and interests.  I dare say that God’s design for every woman is to be a mother.  Because of sin, it doesn’t always happen the way we hope and plan, but Biblically speaking, it is part of God’s beautiful design.

You see, motherhood is God’s design, and it is a noble and respectable role.  Our culture today does not value it in the way it has in the past.   If we are not careful, we can easily buy into what the world esteems instead of embracing what God esteems, which is far more important.

We mothers have the opportunity to influence eternity by building a spiritual legacy in the lives of our children…the real ability of a mother to secure such a spiritual legacy is based on the strength of her relationship with her child.  As we tenderly care for our children, meeting their needs, teaching them and guiding them, praying for them, and modeling our faith, we are also anchoring their hearts to our home, our values, and our beliefs.  These ties are built over a period of many years,  through the small ways we spend the minutes of our days and the large ways in which we celebrate the momentous events of our lives.

She goes on to make several great points:

-the early years of a child’s life in which we feel we are not accomplishing anything, have huge, lasting effects on their lives.  This is a great reminder for those of us with toddlers!

-”A mother’s relationship with her child is one that will encompass a lifetime.”  So true, and therefore, so crucial to have a Biblical understanding of our role from the beginning!

-Our children should not be the center of our lives…it is idolatry.  The Lord should be the center of our lives, and just as we are first to help our husbands, our tender care for our children should be an aspect of our life before the Lord.  Albeit very demanding and time consuming, we must guard our hearts against it.

-Motherhood is our ministry. After serving our husbands, and probably in the biggest way that we help our husbands, our family should come before any other “ministry.”

She ends with this great summary sentence which offers us a vision and strong mission statement:

The mission of motherhood is strategic in providing the next generation with wholehearted, emotionally healthy, and spiritually alive adults.  It is not simply a lifestyle choice.  It is a diving calling that will indeed affect eternity.

In your reading of this chapter what were you most encouraged and challenged by?  Come back tomorrow for chapter 2!

To kick off the week, I want to start by inviting you to read through my absolute favorite book about being a mother.  The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child’s Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson.  Today I’ll share a little background info about Sally Clarkson and give context from which I began reading the book.  Tomorrow, I’ll go through the introduction (it’s that good!).  Beginning next Tuesday and Wednesday, we’ll continue with chapters 1  and 2 and continue each Monday and Tuesday until we are through the book (12 chapters, 6 weeks).  So there’s time for you to get the book , read the intro and the first two chapters and of course,  join me!  Please do, and please comment at the end of my posts about what you’re learning, how it is helping to shape who you are as a mother.  I promise you won’t put it down untouched by the Holy Spirit.  If you are a mother or desire to be a mother (as part of preparing for motherhood–you know what I think about preparing!), I’d highly recommend reading this book.

It might help you to have a little background info about Ms. Clarkson though before we get into her book.  I always love learning about the author because it helps give me a little better context.  Here is her bio from her family’s ministry website, Whole Heart Ministries:

“Sally is, first and foremost, a full-time, stay-at-home-schooling mom. Her life has always revolved around her four wholehearted children-Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy. In addition to her ministry to her family, God has also given her a ministry to other families, and to homeschooling mothers, through speaking and writing. Sally grew up in Texas and New Mexico, accepted Christ personally her freshman year at Texas Tech University, was active with Campus Crusade for Christ during college, and joined staff upon graduation in 1975. She ministered at the University of Texas, lived and ministered in Eastern Europe under Communist rule, and returned to Denver to work with executive women and singles, and with Clay, whom she married a year later. She has always been active in discipling women, and began a church-based homeschool support group in Nashville that is still active. Sally is a writer, speaker, discipler, and blogger (itakejoy.com) who also loves books, music, British films, baking, and tea.”

If you get a chance, check out Sally’s blog.  I’m sure you’ll be encouraged by her writing!

Now, you must know that I cried and cried…and cried through the introduction.  I don’t know of any other book in which I’ve had that experience!  A little background info of the time in which I read this:  several months after Brant was born in the midst of life with a nearing two-and-a-half year old and of course an infant.  It was a daily struggle with many battles, and many, many tears (shed by both myself and Tara but I probably win that one).  I was not enjoying my daughter (most days) but instead felt like everything was a battle.  Everything was an emotional drama.  There was not tenderness and physical closeness (for one thing, she’s never been cuddly or affectionate, unlike Brant).  I felt dutiful in my mothering of her.

Let me interject a few comments about life with Tara before Brant was born…I had a wonderfully easy transition to motherhood.  A few factors, I believe, went into it.  First of all, lest you hear me boasting in myself, be aware that evidences of the Lord’s grace are all over it!  The Lord gave me a desire for children long before I even knew Him and I sought to prepare myself  to be a mother one day.  I babysat a lot, asked lots of questions to those who already had children, and read a lot to prepare myself for the physical and spiritual aspect of parenting.  We also had a painful time of waiting on the Lord for children.  When Tara was born, I felt like I was finally doing what I was called to do, in addition to being a wife.  Life was blissful, the first year was wonderful.  The change and demands that having a baby brought was expected and welcomed, and therefore, was not life shattering.  I also love babies.   And, my personal opinion is that babies are easy (obviously just an opinion!).

Parenting became more difficult around Tara’s first birthday when evidences of  her will began coming out more and more.  No longer was she totally dependent on me.  She wanted to do things herself and her way.  I was slowly beginning the long process of letting go and of  training and discipline.  It was not easy, especially because it demanded more of me than that first year of life did (um, like putting down something was doing for the purpose of character training).  All of a sudden, the huge responsibility of her spiritual and character training was upon me.  It was much more demanding and the sense of urgency was different and felt more weighty.  I do believe that each child is born a sinner and I was able to see this fact of life come out very clearly  the older she got.

So back to life after Brant was born.  Sure, at times I had fun, but the first 5 months of Brant’s life were sheer survival mode.   The next three got a little better but it wasn’t until he was about 8 months old that I felt like I was not just surviving.  Funny, that’s when Blane began his three month leave from the Army and was home every day (just in case you haven’t figured it out–don’t look to me as a “super mom.”  I failed that a long time ago!).  I remember feeling like nobody else had the struggles I did and I would collapse into bed EVERY night out of both sleep deprivation from never being able to really recover from child birth and out of emotional exhaustion.  I rarely heard anyone speak about their struggles and/or failures as a mom with small children.  I felt alone.  I was angry on a regular basis (mostly at the gross amount of self-centeredness in my heart) and felt as if I was failing as a mom.  I shed many, many tears before the Lord and Blane.  I needed help.

Tara began a napping strike one month before Brant was born.  She was not even two yet.  And for those of you who have had babies, particularly more than one baby, you know how precious nap-time is just after you’ve had a baby.  You need to recover and rest.  There was NO opportunity for that and I was struggling.  I had many melt downs in which I would call Blane at work in tears, and would confide in an older woman asking for advice ( a true Godsend!  I need older, wiser women in every season of my life!).

All the while, my relationship with Tara was suffering.  I was so focused in maintaining and trying to just get through the day with everyone alive, so aware of my shortcomings (and the unhealthy ways of dealing with it), that I was forsaking a crucial element in my mothering of her:  nurture.

Come back tomorrow to hear what Sally has to say about this important aspect of mothering.  The Lord used this book to begin a new work in my heart and in my relationship with Tara.  And buy the book or go to your local library to borrow it!  You won’t be disappointed.